Women's War (or Sally's PMS)
by Taidhe
Summary: Sally loses it at Wufei when he trots out that onna stuff one more time... intense descriptions of bodily functions, and a great deal of one-sided ranting. Implied 5xS


Sally swore softly under her breath. That bastard. That complete, unconscienceable BASTARD! The nerve of him! Well, she chuckled to herself, at least I got the better of him this time.  
  
*** Flashback***  
  
"Onna, you are unsuited to battle. All onnas are unfit for it. They should not be allowed on the batle field." Wufei calmly informed Sally for the billionth time, in that righteous, I-stuck-a-broom-up-my-own-ass manner that Sally had come to hate. THIS time, I'm going to take him down a peg or twenty, she vowed silently to herself. THIS time, I am not going to be mature and well-mannered. I. Don't. Fucking. Feel. Like. It!  
  
"Tell me Wufei, why *exactly* all women are 'unfit' for battle?" Sally asked in an ice-cold, calm manner. Quatre, who was present, heard the rage in her voice, as well-controlled as it was. He debated leaving, but decided there would be less chance of blood-shed if he didn't. Duo, with his excellent timing, materialized on the couch, anticipating a show.  
  
Wufei was completely unfazed. "Because, woman can not handle the sight of blood and other bodily fluids." He stated as though to a child. "I will not bring up the fact that they are physically weaker, merely because many men never act on their potential, and remain in the same stage as women at their best. But blood, etc. women can not handle that. And as such, should not fight. Especially their own blood. And one who is afraid of getting hurt can not fight at full ability." Wufei continued, in an infuriatingly adult-to-two-year-old style. Sally saw red. But she kept her control, nevertheless. If I try to outbellow him, I'll have a sore throat for weeks.  
  
"Dragon Clan Member Chang Wufei. I give you a scenario. Say there is a normal, young boy between the ages of 12 and 13. What would your estimation of a reasonable reaction be if this boy woke up one morning, went to rub his eyes, and found his hands smeared with blood, encrusted under his fingernails and sullying his sheets? No pain, mind you, just lots of blood." she asked calmly. Duo suddenly convulsed with laughter. *He* saw where this was going, though no one payed attention to him.  
  
"First sight of the morning. One would hope he would keep his head and determine how such a thing happened. However, if it was an especially weak boy, he might start or even yell in surprise." Wufei replied, oblivious to the trap.  
  
"Apply this situation to girl of the same age."  
  
"Easy. She would scream, panic, and undoubtedly go into hysteria, waking up the entire household and alarming others needlessly. But I don't see your point - such scenario does not often happen, unless you have a psychotic sleepwalker." Wufei retorted.  
  
Sally turned to Quatre. "Quatre, you have 29 sisters. Can you, at all, remember any of them ever waking in the morning, screaming, panicking, and going into hysteria?" she asked. Quatre shrank at the thought of being dragged in to this, but he spoke honestly.  
  
"That happened once, to Nerlya. But she was only 8 at the time, and it was because." Quatre trailed off, and his eyes got wide. He looked at Wufei with pity and winced.  
  
"Chang Wufei. Under what impression are you? Because I can gaurantee you that such a scenario happens to every successful childbearing female in the earthsphere. It happened to me. It happened to Quatre's sisters, every one of them. The only time YOUR guess comes into play is when the child is abnormally young. Would you like to know what I did?" Sally's voice got icier and icier, and Wufei began to understand, at last. She didn't pause long enough for him to get a word in edgewise.  
  
"I got up, washed my hands, and put on a *pad*. Then I told my mother and washed my own sheets. Soon, I was using tampons as well. Do you know what it's like, being limited like that for 5 days out of every month? Do you know what your choices are? I'll tell you. You can wear something resembling a diaper which has to be changed three times a day, and bleed on your sheets at night. Let me tell you, blood is a BITCH to get out of sheets! Or, you can shove something the same size and shape as a bullet up your, well, for you it'd be shoving it up your dick, as far as it will go. Remember to leave a string hanging down so you can get it out later. However, my point is that blood is a regular, unspeakable part of every woman's life, and they are all VERY capable of dealing with it! ESPECIALLY THEIR OWN!!! Why the HELL do you think the first healers in history were women?" Sally took a deep breath and Wufei opened his mouth. But before anything came out, Sally was rolling again.  
  
"And of course, there are 'other' bodily fluids. I assume you mean piss and vomit. You are full of CRAP when it comes to saying woman are squeamish about that! Who the FUCK do you think changed your DIAPER for the first three straight years of your life? Four or five times a day, every day. You ever notice, how, past a certain point, women never put their hands in their mouths? Guess why. It's practical. Plus, most children produce as much vomit as piss, because they vomit for longer. And that doesn't come in a nice, neat, tidy diaper either. No. It comes splattered of your favorite cardigan. Or your carpet. Or your new couch. Or your best guest. Pick one. It'll happen. Did your mother ever scream at you about 'injustice' when you ruined her white carpet? NO! She, most likely, displayed that inhuman patience people take for granted in mothers, and got out a well-used bucket and cloth.  
  
The only INJUSTICE here is your damn, prejudiced, arrogant, foolish misconception about what 'onnas' deal with on a regular basis." Sally took another deep breath and gave her winding down speech. "You, at war, can expect that when the war will end, you will get some pretty little speeches and some pretty little medals and everyone will have a pretty little National Veterans Holiday and people will respect pretty little you because you 'gave up so much'. Do you know the scorn these days for saying you're a HOUSEWIFE??? Families are a battelfield. And the only end that comes of that *particular* battle is death. There are no speeches, no medal, and precious little thanks, and yet, we do it anyway. You pilots fight a losing battle. So do we. So shut up about your 'onnas are unfit'!" Sally piled so much scorn and contempt in her last few sentences that Wufei just stood there gaping like a fish, completely at a loss for words. Duo, naturally, came up with something the soonest.  
  
"Bravo! Well-said! I bow to your eloquence!" And Duo did just that. But the bow was to empty air, for Sally had already stomped off in a huff.  
  
Trowa chose this moment to appear and add in his two cents. "You know, women shoot better than men. Something to do with less muscle on their arms gives them better aim(1). And in a war with guns and not hand-to- hand." he left that hanging and disappeared again.  
  
***End Flashback***  
  
Sally almost smiled in remembrance of the dressing down she'd just given him. I'd better get some flowers out of this. And a dozen of them had better be red and have thorns, too She thought. Then her smile left her face. Ah, DAMN IT! I thought I was 12 hours away! she cursed as she rushed to the nearest bathroom, digging into her purse as she went.  
  
It's true. Women shoot better because they have less muscle tissue in their arms. When you cock a gun, whatever muscle tissue you have starts to tremble - men can get this vibration thing going, especially if they're bodybuilders, that *totally* screws up their aim. I have some suspicions that that's the reason American missiles and such have an out-of-control margin of error!  
  
Fin. 


End file.
